Foster Parenting 101: How to Get Started and What You Need to Know
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By PAGE Editor
Hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of children, orphans, abandoned, or for whatever other reason, live in foster homes or in foster care. These children are often traumatized, alone, and have been through pain and trials that would break most adults past the point of sanity.
Choosing to help these children in whatever way possible is perhaps one of the most selfless and noble decisions a person can make, but it comes with many challenges and difficulties that should be known and understood before committing to the choice. This article will illuminate some of the basics of foster parenting and things you should be aware of before you make a decision.
This Is Not A Job
Becoming a foster parent may be rather complicated at first glance, but it really isn’t. You need to understand that fostering is not a job, or something you can do half-listlessly before you clock out just to come back the next day. No, it is much, much more than that, perhaps even more difficult in some aspects than parenting itself, as you are basically on a mission to help and nurture a child that is not biologically yours and has likely been through damaging, traumatic experiences that affect their behavior.
While researching how to become a foster parent, keep in mind that you are considering something that may seem insurmountable, brutally difficult at times, but will hopefully be worth it in the end. Contact them, see if you can make an appointment with them, what they have to say, and what training and help they may be able to offer you. Knowing that you were the reason a child was taken out of a subpar environment (putting it lightly), and given into your care where you helped them grow and set foot on their path, then all the bad days will have been worth it.
Love, Love, Love
Perhaps rather obvious, and almost trite and cheap at first glance, but it may be the single most important “thing” you can give a foster child. Shelter, food, basic education- the child can find most of these everywhere- but genuine love and care are rare qualities indeed. After a life of perhaps not even knowing what actual, selfless love is like, they may bristle at you first, resist your compassion, act up, lash out, and in the beginning, this will be your greatest challenge, but powering through it and proving to them that you are not like other people, people who made them suffer will hopefully break through their shell. Real life is messy, and not everyone and everything gets a happy ending or even a lucky break sometimes, but all you can do is try your best and see what happens.
Understand Their Past
Foster children, in most cases, have been put through abuse, trauma, and neglect and come from brutal places. It is vital that you have a deep understanding of their past, of their traumatic experiences, of what brought them to this situation. Having this awareness will help you remain patient and steadfast through the tougher days, keeping your compassion and patience alive. Foster children carry their experiences with them at all times, and even when it may not seem obvious, those experiences affect their behavior, relationships, style, and thought processes.
It would be great if these coping and defense mechanisms would just disappear overnight, but sadly, that is not the case. Such traumatic events imprint themselves deeply into the vulnerable and impressionable mind of a child, and getting them back out is almost impossible, but with enough overwhelming love, care, support, and a little luck, these mental scars can begin to heal over time.
You Are Not Alone
As you get ready to become a foster parent, it is vital that you remember that you are not alone, there is a network of support out there, if you just reach out and build it up. There is a wide support system out there that can provide you with the necessary skills, training, and tools to get you ready to welcome a child out of the system into your home. Try to reach out to other foster parents, see what they may have to teach you from their own past experiences, and see what guidance and mentorship they may have to offer. If you do not know anyone personally, head to the internet, and use it to find them in your area, or maybe even far away, and just message them and see how the situation develops.
Respect The Birth Family
Biological parents are the biological parents, there is no way around it, and not all of them were abusive, violent, or neglectful, at least not knowingly. Often they have been in terrible circumstances themselves, battling their own demons, and unable to defeat them. They often need help themselves, not punishment, so advocate for both the child and their biological parents, and try to build up a relationship between them.
Paper Trails Matter
Make sure you keep a thorough and organized paper trail from the get-go, as foster care is a bureaucratic nightmare at best. Create a folder system just for the child, and cleanly label everything: agency contacts, court, schooling, doctors, biological parents, and their contacts—everything matters, and make it chronological so it is easy to call back when you need to.
You will likely need to find a lot of these documents later, so make it easier on yourself by keeping everything nice and organized. Do not hesitate to reach out and ask others for help, guidance, and advice when you need it; foster parenting is not something you can just handle all by yourself.
Choosing to foster a child is unbelievably noble and selfless, but it is also harsh, difficult, and sometimes may seem like a situation that will never improve. Not giving up and continuing to show love and patience is vital if you want to see it through. Keep in mind that the influence you have on a child's life can be truly transformative, even when the challenges seem daunting.
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It impacts your job, career, and social life, as well as your family’s well-being, all of which is quite challenging and emotionally taxing to deal with.