Put the Spark Back into Your Relationship on Valentine's Day!

Everyone knows that you have to celebrate Valentine's Day by getting each other chocolates and flowers, right?

Wrong!

This year, show your significant other, no matter how long you have been together, that you still know how to charge up your relationship. You don't have to spend a lot of money or invent new sexual positions. To put the spark and enjoyment back in your relationship this Valentine's Day, follow these few simple guidelines.

Start Celebrating Before Valentine's Day

A lot of the problem with February 14 is the pressure it involves (it's a lot like New Year's Eve that way). The easiest way to take this pressure off you and the day itself is to begin celebrating early.

Valentine's Day is in February. Depending on where in the world you live, it can be a very blah month, weather- and activity-wise. The holiday joy is over, the holiday hangover has passed, and now you're just left with the February doldrums and nothing to look forward to but tax time (or, if you're a more positive thinker, springtime).

Suggest a couple of little treats throughout February, rather than pulling out all the stops on February 14. (You may want to talk this strategy over with your spouse or lover; if they are used to a big dinner out and are satisfied with that arrangement, you probably don't want to stop doing it without consulting them first.) Does your partner hate cooking? Suggest getting take-out on a weekday night when you're both worn out. Do they like cooking, but just want a night off from childcare? Find a way to drop the kids off at a sitters' or family member's house and enjoy a quiet night or weekend afternoon in.

There's no law saying Valentine's Day sentiments can't be expressed any day of the year. They should be. Tell your partner you love them. Ask how their day went. Listen. Don't ruin everything by jumping on every story to solve the other person's "problem." Sometimes real intimacy in a relationship just comes when a person knows they can talk to their significant other about anything, and that person will always listen.

Know Your Partner's Preferences and Work With Them

Does your spouse adore surprises? Then plan a surprise, even if it has to be something you can do at home or without spending a lot of money. Does your lover hate surprises? Then take this chance to communicate and plan celebrations that you can both enjoy.

Are you both on the same page about the necessity or desirability of presents, and how much they might cost? Some individuals are happy to forgo a stereotypical heart-shaped box of candy or expensive bouquet of flowers and instead put resources toward a shared gift or other long-term goals.

Above all, let your partner know that you recognize relationships need attention and care. Make it clear that both of you share the same goal: to revitalize both your love life and your partnership. There is no stronger aphrodisiac than letting someone else know that you care about them, and are willing to put in the work to make them feel cared for.

Don't Get Creative In the Bedroom

Wait, did you read that right?

Valentine's Day can often be stressful because it's a time when there's a ton of media and online headlines screaming "Your Best Sex Life Now: New Tips and Tricks!" Couples will look around at this time of year and be convinced that absolutely everyone else has more and better sex (of all kinds) than they do.

It's not true.

Frantic scramblings simply to do something "new" in an intimate relationship do not make for relaxed and fun physical encounters. If you do want to spice things up and expand your repertoire, again, start that in the months and weeks before Valentine's Day. Always try new things when you're relaxed, have time, and both of you are ready to explore techniques for the novelty value.

If you're short on time and energy on February 14, give each other permission to do the things that feel good for everybody, every time. Knowledge and reliability and guaranteed good times can be the best features of a long-term relationship.

Valentine's Day doesn't have to be an expensive lesson in frustration and unequal expectations. With good communication and loving attention to detail on all the other days that aren't February 14, partners can find ways to keep the spark of love alive in their relationships for years to come.